It is NOT JUST ME, OKAY?????

http://www.hulu.com/watch/2340/saturday-night-live-old-glory

" Robots are Everywhere. And they eat old people's medicine for Fuel."

Well, this is NOT GOOD.

These creatures frighten me and this is is simply proof that they are trying to take over the earth. This is NOT good news. Soon they will grow opposable thumbs and start reading the Wall Street Journal. I am very very frightened.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/8408233.stm

I mean how long do you think it will be before they come on land and start buying condominiums? I have seen this happen before with Raccoons in Grosse Pointe. I speak from experience here. Raccoons are evil creatures that travel in groups of three. The police are powerless against them. This is a bad ominous sign and I says that we should BE AFRAID. BE VERY AFRAID.

Update: Robots added to list of my fears.

Flying Monkeys, getting strangled by sea creatures in natural bodies of water, insects, clowns, reptiles, snakes, rodents, mold, well water, Monkeys dressed in little outfits, utility companies, terrorism, working at a preschool, pictures of toilets, commercials about toilets or toilet cleaning products, parasites, birds, Octopii, those GIANT worms inside of ears of corn, 4H kids and insurance adjusters. And skunks and ESPECIALLY raccoons. And probably the Snow Queen still. AND ROBOTS.

Yeah, That's right. ANOTHER Dog. You got a problem with that?

Meet Otis. Half Pug, Half French Bulldog. Coming home to us Feb 1.

We are getting another dog. We still have the old one, Amy ( pre named) the Plott hound. She is a GREAT dog but she is not fun at all to take on a walk. If she sees a squirrel, I lose an arm. I am sure that is because we just do not have her trained correctly. Whatever. We have her trained to sleep in a crate, do what we want, and she even RINGS a BELL on the back door when she needs to go out !!! But I cannot train her to NOT be a DOG She is a hunting dog and at the goat Farm she used to routinely come home with dead stuff. GAWD. So she is a great dog but not for walks.


She also liked having a companion. Believe it or not, Murphy really kept her out of trouble. We liked having a second dog and we liked Murphy, but he was not the dog for us. It does seem that YES I may have a problem regarding the Revolving Dog Door... . We have had a few dogs the past few years and a have only kept one really. Well, that is not entirely true: We had Banjo the Black Lab for two years until sh e was hit by a car and killed. We lasted eight days without a dog and then we got Riley named after BB King's Middle name. We had Riley for eight years until he had to "go live with the vet." That's my story and I'm sticking to it. After Riley, we rescued a way too hyper Chocolate Lab we and named him Boogie. I later named my blog after him. However, he ate a screen door and part of a fence, the starter to the lawnmower and two dog beds. He also was a LICKER. That meant any chance he got to lick any part of you he would take it - face, hands, legs, toes .... if you had exposed skin anywhere he would lick it. Endearing at first then Ewwww. He was a nice dog, but too much dog for us.. HOWEVER - we re-homed him and he is happy as a clam these days.

After Boogie came Missy (pre named) an 8 year old beagle that had been somewhat abused by an evil breeder.. She was friendly enough but a complete escape artist.. She woudl take loooong journeys off the goat farm where we were living through pastures and sewage pipes and that was only while she was outside. Indoors she got into Everything and once even ate an entire stick of butter that was left on the table after Thanksgiving dinner. Worst of all she became the ringleader for Amy the dog and would get her to also go on her adventures. Harmless at first. until Amy was struck by car going 50 MPH on the very busy road the goat farm was on. She ended up with a broken hip and was very lucky to have lived through it. I rehomed Missy to a 16 year old girl who now dresses her up in little outfits and allows her to sleep in her bed with her and probably feeds her all of the butter she wants.

After Missy we abandoned the idea of a second dog until after we moved into our replacement house. We made it 10 months in the new house and we were still not really looking, and then we were at the birthday party and those people decided that they wanted to get rid of their Dog DEXTER who did not even like them, and he seemed to bond with us, and also because he was the Untrainable Learning Impaired Canine Antichrist. We renamed him MURPHY after Matt Guitar Murphy. We had him for an entire summer but he was very mischievous, hated all kids and bit Spencer twice. Spencer LOVED him, but Murphy liked NO ONE. The last straw was when he ate Bill's beloved Bluesman hat. OMG. BUH BYE NOW. I had no luck at all training this dog and I said that on Facebook one day. My friend Lisa who is a single attorney in Longview WA decided she could conquer the training of Murphy. She has turned out to be some kind of Dachshund Whiperer and he is great and she is great and they are very happy together and last I heard she is teaching him to SURF - NO KIDDING!

We got kind of used to having two dogs and I miss my walks with Murphy. He was a Fine Walkin' Dawg and He would go just as long as I ever wanted to. SO we found a breeder through my friend Heidi here in Canby. I know, I know!!!!!! We have rescued EVERY OTHER DOG and never bought a true puppy before and I KNOW they are a total pain in the ass and I SHOULD NOT do a breeder and all of that but this person is NOT a Puppy Mill She is a Legitimate breeder who LOVES dogs. We are getting a Half Pug/ Half French Bulldog. We have already bought him but he cannot come home for another 7 weeks. THIS TIME? I let Bill pick him out a litter of 5 puppies. I wanted this Reallllly adorable fawn colored one that looked most like a pug but it did not have a good personality SO we are getting this solid black male and we are going to name him..... Otis. Otis Buddy Chapin . After Otis Redding and Buddy Guy.

Allllllllmost chose this guy. But he was not a good fit for us. Otis bonded with Spencer right away. This guy is better off anyway. I would have named him WOOKIE.

He looks very much like this dog (below) but this is NOT exactly him. This is one of his siblings. More pics to follow. He comes to live with us around Feb 1st. Plenty of time to puppy proof the house.

OTIS BUDDY CHAPIN
Or his brother. I think.

Is it OVER??? Was it just a DREAM?????

Maybe . A 966 day long dream..... Lot of weird things happened in this dream.. My house exploded, and I went to go live first in Occupied France and then later with a goat.

I think the 966 day nightmare might just be coming to a close. This means two things.

One, it is time to get on with our lives and TWO: It is time to start blogging again.

Not that anyone reads this. I mean, Who does? OMG No one really. But to none of those people out there in the blogosphere who were not reading this? Fear not, I may be blogging again soon. I feel like I have been in suspended animation and I just woke up. OMG!!!!! Did you know we elected the first African American president? Did you know that Oprah is Retiring? That they canceled As The World Turns last week?? OMG!!!! So MUCH has happened. I feel I have missed so many important stories on my hiatus OMG Murphy the Dog? He went to go live with a Legal Aid attorney in Washington who is like some kind of freaking BAD DOG WHISPERER. I am currently seeking a new second dog, and considering a Cross between a French Bulldog and a Pug. If only because it brings back all the good times I had during the deposition with opposing counsel. I guess I just want a permanenet reminder of that guy, so I am going to get a dog that looks like him:

And who wouldn't really? Anyway I digress and It will not be official until tomorrow, and I have to go now because Amy the dog just ate like 15 brownies.

More later but for those of you who are not reading this and never were? Welcome back.