My New Years Resolutions:

1. Write a children's book entitled "My Exploding House."
2. Buy a really ugly $5200 lamp, for the second time.
3. Cook with more duck.
4. Pretend I am at the movies most of the time.
5. Even if the person knows I am not at the movies, plug ears and sing "My Way." They will think you are listening to your iPod.
6. Buy Spencer "Captain Jack Sparrow" Bed from Costco - $800.00 AYE MATEY!
7. Two days a week eat nothing but gummy bears and Tums.
8. Quit my job.
9. Attend Risotto School, a 25 week course on how to make Risotto. Pass this time.
10. Check each week to see if that one bottle of Pinot Grigio in the freezer has exploded yet.
11. More angry emails to PBS Kids Sprout RE: inane "James the Cat" show.
12. Buy more things I do not need and cannot afford over the internet this year.
13. Take money for house rebuild, move to Fiji and never come back.
14. Read another 2200 parenting books, Yes. for sure do that. It realllly helped last year.
15. Repeatedly call Dr. Phil asking: "May I borrow your potato ricer??"
16. Move to a goat farm with brown water, shag carpet and a kitchen from the Etruscan period.
17. Keep daily log of what you wear each day: i.e.:
Jan 1: Shirt, Skirt, dorky Keen Sandals.
Jan 2: Skirt shirt dorky Keen sandals.
Jan 3: Skirt, shirt, dorky Keen sandals... Kinda like that.
18. Crock Pot dinners. Every. Single. Night.
19. Try to impress others by using big words, like loquacious and deviancy and iconoclast.
20. Remove hideous mini blinds from bedroom window. Wear as a skirt. With dorky sandals and shirt.
21. This year, don't make the news, be the news. Be the weather too, and maybe the sports, if there is time left.
22. Bake 37 dozen currant and walnut scones, get on I-205 and throw them at cars, shouting: "What's your hurry? Have a Scone!!!"
23. Boycott the Golden Globes. Also boycott Deal or No Deal, The View, CSI Kurdistan, and James the Cat.


SO what are yours?????