Two new pictures of Elmo the Sexy Beast Goat.

Hi, My name is Elmo, I am a Scorpio, I am into grass and long walks in the field. I am looking for someone to share my barn and my tree with. I don't have horns, currently but that does not mean I am not horny. Turn ons: blackberries, dogs, snacking on patio furniture. Turn offs: negativity, fertilizer, raccoons and squirrels. Not into head games, No sheep please, no drugs, no smokers, no fats, no femmes.

An Homage to Mom....

To celebrate my Dad's birthday. I am, this week, honoring my mom. She was a sister who was doin' it for herself. All day long she put up with sh*t from men in the workplace, and then she came home to me. She had been married to this doctor, my dad, where her main job was going to little luncheons dressed like Doris Day, and steering committees. Then, she flew the coop, and pretty soon Jane was a divorced, bra burning, Gloria Steinem Admiring, '71 Pontiac Catalina Convertible Driving, full time working, single mom. The "Mom" part has long been a little questionable, as I grew up on Stouffer's frozen food, our house looked a little like the one in "Running with Scissors" and the only cookies she ever made were Madelines. However, at least she was around, unlike certain other Oncologists who shall remain nameless.

She cooked, but only from recipes from the New York Times Magazine, and only things like the Hors D'oeurves from Truman Capote's Black and White Ball, or things with capers, caviar and other odd things kids hate.... Stuff like that.
For the dull every day cooking she abhorred, her number one weapon of choice was the CROCK POT.

This week, all week long, we are honoring Jane by making only dinners in the Crock Pot. Forty Years Later, her daughter, who also cannot cook her way out of a paper bag (?) is still using the trust;y old crock pot... But mine is not Harvest Avocado....

All of the recipes this week are from the "Fix it and Forget It Lightly" Cookbook I got from the library. I have recently discovered our library and it is freaking AWESOME and I currently have like 36 books checked out.

So tonight is Stuffed Peppers, tomorrow night is ground beef casserole, then Southwestern chicken, and then on Friday, Beef Stroganoff.

Jane, you were weird and stressed out and a little bit crazy but I loved you very much, and I am a lot like you actually, whether I want to be or not.

OK Its official: I am annoyed by Michael Buble. YECCCCHHHH.

First of all he is just some kind of Sinatra knock off, and I KNOW that he likes the Nostalgia music and I mean, so do I! In college in Wisconsin I had an entire three hour radio show full of the stuff, mostly from records I found in the basement of my house. But at least I did not pretend to be Doris Day and make a career out of it. Plus other people have already done that gig just WAY BETTER Harry Connick Jr, for starters.

SO whatever. I am sure that his future holds a two year stint at the Celine Dion theatre in Vegas. But you will not see me in the audience. YUCK.

Oh Yeah.... Its ALLL HAPPENING in GROSSE POINTE.

http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/us/AP-ODD-Cursing-Nun.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

What to name Iplaw's new baby girl. UPDATED

HADLEY HEMINGWAY

OONA O'NEIL CHAPLIN

Hmmm.

I can only tell you the names I picked if Spencer had been a girl.

Oona. Or you can spell is Oonaugh. I like this name. It was Eugene O'Neil's daughter's name, who married Charlie Chaplin.

My other choice was Hadley. Not many famous Hadleys, except Ernest Hemingway's third wife.

SO there you have it.
Oona Hadley Iplawbaby.
Or, Hadley Oona Iplawbaby.

I am sure everyone will hate these names...

UPDATE: I thought of two more that I like. I also like AVERY and AVA.

SO there.

SO NOW what are YOUR ideas!!!!!!!???????!!!!!

UPDATE MISSY HAS BEEN FOUNDSend out some good karma.... Missy the dog is Missing.

OKAY UPDATE We found her about a mile away on Gribble road near the famous Gribble Barn whose claim to fame was that it was once filmed in a Burger King Commercial.
http://gribblebarn.com/

ANYWAY It seems that she ended up in a septic tank or soemnthing because she just REEKED but she is back very tired and stinky but home. For now.

This is awfully hard work chasing all of these runaway dogs and goats.






She took off again to the nursery down the road again and of course being the bad girl she is, led the other dog astray as well. However, Amy came back and Bill found her but not Missy. Missy is wearing two tags with our name and address all over them, so if anyone finds here they should call.

We just hope nothing happened to her.

So if she should show up in your neighborhood, just ship her on back to us...

COME BACK, MISSY!!! You are a MEATLOAF!!!! You like to sleep all day next to the heater.... you will NEVER MAKE it out in the wild!!!!

Most people tried to tell me that Beagles are a pain in the ass. She is a sweet dog, but she follows her nose and sometimes it does not let her come back home....

MASTER THESPIAN THIS WEEK dedicated to IPLAW

it is also 70's week in Master Thespian....

IPLAW and his wife are expecting!!!!!! YAY!!!!

Master Thespians for this week are:

Clint Eastwood

http://imdb.com/name/nm0000142/

and

Jane Fonda

http://imdb.com/name/nm0000404/


WINNER for this week GETS TO NAME IPLAW's BABY!!!!!!

Here is My Suggestion:

Since he already has one adorable girl names Mamie Eisenhower Iplawtoddler,

This girl should be named:

Eleanor Roosevelt Ladybird Iplawinfant.


So put your fav movie moments long with name suggestions here and

well..

Do ya feel lucky, Punk? Well, Do ya?

NEWS FLASH!!! Goatless Goat Farm No Longer Going to be Goatless!!!!!

Apparently RJ The owner of this house and our landlord, took his goat to his Dad's house and the goat is driving his father insane.. SO he is BRINGING THE GOAT BACK HERE!!!! I guess the goat is sort of maintenance free. You have to make sure it has water and stuff but other than that it just hangs out in this big field. It sleeps in the barn on some hay. SO the goat farm will no longer be goatless. We are all looking forward to the goat arrival. I have always wanted to live with a goat!

LOOK! SO Tragic....

Underfunded Schools Forced To Cut Past Tense From Language Programs

WASHINGTON—Teaching students how to conjugate verbs so that they can describe events that have already occurred is a luxury many schools cannot afford.

Hi My name is Daisy Tootsie Pop.

Recently a friend and I had an interesting conversation about what our stripper names would be, if we were strippers. This came about because an older lady in our Weight Watcher's meeting mentioned that we should call her by a certain name, because the other name is actually not her real name... it is her stripper name.

We then decided that we should have stripper names.

I guess you take your first pet, and combine it with your favorite candy. My friend's stripper name is Kitty Kit Kat. Bill's stripper name would be Skip Skor or Skip Butterfingers.
I like my friend Diane's name the best. Her stripper name would be PUFF CHUNKY. I need to call her that now forever and the rest of our lives I am afraid.

So Uhmmmm WHAT IS YOUR STRIPPER NAME?

THIS GUY's BREAD IS KILLER!!!! And so is the guy I think? READ THIS

Whatever you can say about crime, at least there are some criminals out there that turn things around and make the world a better place. THis is what this guy DAVE did and he went on to create the co DAVE'S KILLER BREAD

YOU HAVE TO CHECK OUT THIS SITE AND READ HIS STORY,
and then RUN to where he says you can find his organic bread It is FANTASTIC!!! I cannot eat a LOT of breat but I do have the same turkey sandwich every day so I try to get those two slices to be really healthy. I just tried his Flaxseed and other seeds stuff and it was INCREDIBLE!!!! AND all organic etc.

AND I am proud to say, he is from PORTLAND!!!!!!!

You HAVE to check out this site, You HAVE to try this bread.

http://www.daveskillerbread.com/flashy/index2.htm

Got a lot of stuff done, and also: Exciting News!! I FOUND the WEIRD LAMP!!!!

Today I went to the movies with my friend Siri. We saw LIONS for LAMBS Clearly a message movie b ut still interesting. To me, Meryl Streep will NEVER age, though she was never ever more gorgeous than while in Manhattan, Out of Africa, and Sophie's Choice. Even all of that Auschwitz make-up could not hide her beauty.

We also watched some of our Netflix movies the weekend, including, REIGN OVER ME and YEAR OF THE DOG. The first I liked and it was weird but good. YEAR OF THE DOG I thought I would like but did not. Bill is actually watching The Departed right now. It seems very very violent. I do not like scary or horror or very violent movies. Some I will watch. you know like Saving Private Ryan... i watched that but I had to do it over a couple of days..It was horrific. But this seems very violent and I think life is scary enough.

Then tonight I baked some Pumkin-Cranberry-Walnut bread - three loaves. Some to give away and some to keep and freeze. I found the recipe on www.Epicurious.com which is a great site. I am bringing some to Matt's house tomorrow AM because his wife just had shoulder surgery. I will be working M-F for a while now and no more Saturdays.

BUT the most exciting thing that happened this weekend was this: I FOUND THE LAMP!!!!!

My entire life we had this lamp in our house. When I moved, I took it with me. All I knew about it was that it was an antique, and that my mother bought it in Italy in 1956.
It hung in our family room and it was absolutely indescribable.

Well when I sold that house I took it with me. I was going to hang it in our PERMANENT house, if we ever had one. We moved a LOT before we got to Oregon, and honestly we packed it up and kept it safe through like 7 moves.

Then when we got to Oregon, it took us like a year just to unpack all of our crap. Then we were going to remodel the house etc. I was always going to hang it somewhere in the house, but I was going to wait until we were done remodeling. That thing was packed to the max with all kinds of bubble wrap and peanuts and all of that stuff. IT was just DAYS away from getting hung in the house, because we were ALLLLLMOST done witht he remodel, but then the EXPLOSION happened. the lamp did not survive and not only was it BROKEN it was burned, crushed, you name it UNRECOGNIZABLE except for the weird frame thing. I was crushed when I saw that we had last it, but whatever.


In order to claim this lampto the insurance co, I had to find it on the internet and I had been searching for weeks about it. THIS WEEKEND I FINALLY found it at an antique store in the Bridgehampton, NY.

it was made by a company called VENINI in 1940, and it could have been worth quite a bit, considering that other much smaller (this one is about 14 inch tall and 9 in wide.and younger pieces from this company that I found are worth like three thousand at least. SO who knows. This photo is exactly my lamp, but mine had amber glass and it was not opaque. Otherwise, this is the exact lamp, in all of its glorious weirdness. So at least I got THIS accomplished this weekend. I found my hideous weird lamp.

Have a big list of crap to do today and the rest of the weekend, but I probably will not get to all of it.

First of all, newsflash the dog is out of surgery and she is fine, she just has to wear the conehead thing for a couple of weeks, and that should be fun. I swear Bill loves that stupid dog so much, he is probably on the internet right now looking for a dog acupunturist that makes house calls or some crap. He is probably on www.organic-nutraceuticals-for-optimum-canine-health.com right now...

I guess we are busy doing what we feel like doing, which is the point of holidays. Spencer is watching this kids show about these weird but friendly neon SLOTHS called "Its a Big Big World" and BOB THE BUILDER episodes that I TIVO'd for him.

I have to send some stuff out, write my annual Christmas letter, mail three of the netflix, sign something and take it to RJ's office, get the turkey off the bone, fill out more sheets of claim forms, sign something else and get it to Herb, the new lawyer who is the ROBIN to Joel's BATMAN, Hopefully get all my Christmas cards out, stuff like this I guess. I have no real plans, except for on Sunday my friend Siri and her husband and son Steve and Travis are coming over. Steve and Bill and Travis and Spencer are gonna hang together here on the goat farm and find stuff to do while Siri and I go to a movie. We think we are going to see one of a couple ones. Maybe LAMBS FOR LIONS or DAN IN REAL LIFE or who knows there are tons of movies playing.

I have tons of laundry to finish and a lot of other crap, not to mention we now have to keep one dog still and quiet and keep the other dog from jumping on her. That should be fun. I also might order a new winter jacket, since I lost weight and my old one is hanging on me really a lot. I have been wearing it sort of as a monument to losing weight but then I got the hint that MAYBE I need a new coat when I was in Starbuck's the other day getting a present for Matt's wife who had surgery, and they were looking at me like I was homeless or something, and like i was about to steal things. I was like "I know I LOOK homeless, but honestly Its just that my house blew up and we had to move again, for the third time in 6 months, and I cannot find half my clothes, I have a toddler who not only got his catsup (ketchup?) all over me but who also keeps me so busy I do not have time to comb my hair even, oh, and my 7 year old coat is like four sizes too big but I am happy about it so I wear it....but seriously? I do not, as of YET, live in a van down by the river....but I am sure if Canby Telephone had its way.......well, never mind..."

Yeah, I'm a dork.

OH and IPLAW - I FINALLY found some of that MOONSTRUCK chocolate at Whole Foods. Apparently it is so exclusive they do not sell it in the Portland Metro area South of the I-205. But then., who can blame them? Everyone knows the riff raff live in Wilsonville... hahahah
I was going to get some earlier as a gift to Joel, but I could never find any and it seemed silly to order it online. I looked and looked for it at Lamb's where they said they carried it in Wilsonville and they never had any. It did show up in one of the Christmas catalogues, though, called RED ENVELOPE.


Oh and one more thing... I love AL Gore - in fact, prior to the current administration, he was one of only two Dems I ever voted for in my entire life. BUT as fascinating as it is, I have never stayed awake through his movie An Inconvenient Truth. I get the importance and I WISH I could say I have seen it but I CANNOT STAY AWAKE during it. Not so far, at least.


SO what are all of you doing this weekend??? All NONE of you who are reading this? hahaha

A Good Time Was Had By All, except the dog.

Well the Whole Foods Thanksgiving dinner was pretty great. Much better than I could have done. However it was not as great as I remember it being last year.. but anyway..
TO be honest the Organic Preroasted Diestel turkey was INCREDIBLE , probably the best turkey we have ever had in our lives. Realllllly great. The gravy was just OKAY, the stuffing was just OKAY, the pumpkin pie was JUST OKAY, same with the brussel sprouts, the dinner rolls and cranberry sauce. I actually made my own cranberry sauce with oranges and toasted walnuts. The mashed potatoes were pretty good, and the sweet potatoes with apricot glaze were really really good.

SO what I am thinking is, maybe NEXT YEAR we buy the turkey there, and the sweet potatoes and maybe nothing else. I can make better stuffing, probably can get better gravy and other stuff.
We dont even like pumpkin pie that much. We did also get two small other desserts, a teeny pecan pie and a teeny Cranberry walnut tart.

THe pecan pie was great and we should have bought a whole one but them who needs that much delicious pecan pie around the house? So we got a small one that was the equivalent of about a slice and a half. HOWEVER Bill and I got a few bites and we left it on the table. I took a few bites of the cranberry walnut tart and that was awful and I threw it away. THe dogs got up around the table after dinner and got into stuff even though we had put almost everything away. Missy ate the rest of the pecan pie and half a stick of butter. Amy ate some dill dip. Stupid dogs.

SO I think next year I will make the sides and get the WF turkey. I could not be bothered doing that this year because honestly we had just moved to the goat farm and its not exactly a gourmet kitchen. Its pretty hideous, and not anything like the expansive granite clad gourmet kitchen at the Faux Chateau, which is the only thing I miss about that place.... Well I miss that AND the shower and the non egg smelling water, and lost of other stuff. SO I was not inspired to cook and then have to throw my dishes into the BROWN COATED dishwasher YUCK.

With any luck, Next year I will be in my own gourmet kitchen in my new house, all decked out in artisan tiles by Habib, and I can rock out a killer Thanksgiving. This year I am kind of sliding by.

SO then after we cleaned up dinner and took naps and stuff and put Spencer to bed, then Bill let the two dogs out once more before bed time. Then THE INCIDENT occurred, and I am not sure what happened.

IT all started this morning, when Missy the freak dog Beagle who has been a total escape artist lately, took off to the dairy farm across the street early this AM and Bill had to chase her like a mile thru cow fields, past a llama, an ostrich and a horse also. She ran almost to the Alpaca farm!!!! SO tonight, Bill put her on the tie out leash this time, and it was attached to a stake in the ground. they were over in the big field near the second barn. Well she was running all over and Amy the dog got caught up in the leash and somehow the top part of the stake caught on what would be the dog equivalent of her elbow I guess and her dog elbow got all messed up and a big cut happened.

SO at 9:00 pm we got Spencer up in his jammies, threw him in the van along with the dog and headed to the Emergency Vet. SHe needs stitches and they kept her overnight and we will get her in the AM. She is gonna be fine but out of commission for a few weeks. There were a couple of families there too with their injured pets, and a lot of the kids were also in their jammies. I guess no one expects to go to the vet on Thanksgiving. I managed to get Spencer totally dressed but forgot his shoes as we were running out the door. SO there you go. He had his outfit, his coat, his blankie and bare feet. I carried him into the vet though.

Amy the dog is gonna be fine. SO far Missy is not sick from all of the butter she ate.

yet another crazy holiday with the Chapin Family, but at the end of the day, I still would not want to be anywhere else. I got the entire week off my work, so that was great but I have to spend it filling out claim forms. But we are almost done with all of that crap. We are amining to get the house torn down and construction started by Christmas. We have pretty much picked the builder.

Well I have to get some sleep so I can pick up Amy the WOnder Dog in the AM.

HAPPY THANKS GIVING!!!!!!

I am very very thankful for many many things. I have a great husband, a beautiful son, two great dogs, incredible friends, great bloggers, and so much to look forward to. I complain a lot but I have no right to. I do not even give a crap about the house right now. OR the letters that we keep getting from the city of Canby telling us we need to tear the house down.

Tomorrow we are going to get up early and drive to the Pearl District and pick up our totally cooked organic turkey dinner from Whole Foods. The only thing I am cooking is the cranberry sauce. I was going to make pumpkin bread but get this, I went to the store tonight and they ran out of canned pumpkin.

What are you all thankful for?

THANKSGIVING MASTER THESPIAN - ITS EARLY!!!!!

Since many of my fans ( ha ha) will be over the river and through the woods on the actual day that we usually do Master Thespian I am doing it early this week.

SO In honor of his big ongoing fued with FABIO the first actor I have chosen is none other than

GEORGE CLOONEY the total hunk of all time!!!!

SO you can find all the info on George HERE:

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000123/


Then for the actress:

I have chosen another one of my favorites:

MERYL STREEP:

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000658/

These two people are not only probably the best looking actors I have ever seen on a screen, but also the most talented. SO these are my fav moments from some of their movies.

FOR GEORGE:

from Ocean's Eleven

Rusty: You'd need at least a dozen guys doing a combination of cons.
Danny: Like what, do you think?
Rusty: Off the top of my head, I'd say you're looking at a Boeski, a Jim Brown, a Miss Daisy, two Jethros and a Leon Spinks, not to mention the biggest Ella Fitzgerald ever!


Tess: You're a thief and a liar.
Danny: I only lied about being a thief, I don't do that anymore






FOR MERYL:

from The Devil Wears Prada:

Miranda Priestly: Is there some reason that my coffee isn't here? Has she died or something?

from One True Thing:

Kate Gulden: It's so much easier to be happy. It's so much easier to choose to love the things that you have, instead of always yearning for what you're missing, or what it is that you're imagining you're missing. It is so much more peaceful.

from Postcards from the Edge:

Doris: I was such an awful mother... what if you had a mother like Joan Crawford or Lana Turner?
Suzanne: These are the options? You, Joan or Lana?


from Out of Africa:

Karen Blixen: Perhaps he knew, as I did not, that the Earth was made round so that we would not see too far down the road.



OKAY SO NOT IT IS YOUR TURN!!!!! AND DO NOT wimp out just because it is Turkey Day or you need to go SHOPPING...

PICTURE OF UNNAMED DOG

THIS DOG NEEDS A NAME.
CAN YOU FIND IT YOUR HEARTS TO HELP?????

EVERYBODY SAMBA!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TjGMTE60D1g&feature=related


Extra special video for all of you I cfoulod not figure out how to post this onto my blog directly

Oh and that is Bill in the background. Playing the cowbell. The man has some MOVES.

UH OH...... NOT AGAIN!!!!!!!

http://www.freep.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20071118/NEWS01/71118025/1001/NEWS

Apparently Detroit is the Most Dangerous city again. To be honest I have not lived there for ten years. but i hate to hear this about my home town. But. then. Its not totally unbelievable to me. Detroit you could say they really INVENTED crime you know? Or Reinvented it. Young Boys, Inc, Coleman Young, Barbara Rose Collins, The Detroit School Board with their Limos, people dropping cinder blocks off of freeway overpasses and killing people. Ed Mcnamara. I do believe the first CARJACKING took place there. Tonya Harding whacking Nancy Kerrigan.... Its a long proud heritage. The economy is tanked there and has been for a long time..

So You know. Whatever..... Those other cities should feel lucky to even make the list.

GREAT house for rent in Wilsonville, OR

Why, its almost like, uh uh a FAUX CHATEAU.

http://portland.craigslist.org/clc/apa/481219160.html

There are a few pieces of info missing from this ad, however... Crazy toxic old ladies might peek thru your windows, oh and try not to talk on the phone too loudly outside on Saturday afternoon, OR please do not leave your garage door open any longer than it takes to pull your car. ANd I hope you do not plan to put BOTH of your cars into the garage. OH and I hope you do not have any kids. Also do not put your garbage out too early, and try not to mess up the WHITE CARPETING that covers almost every room. Any or all of these violations could result in a call to the homeowner's association, or maybe the police.

I hope whoever moves in has OCD, no kids, a quiet voice, one car and a great attorney on retainer.