GREAT house for rent in Wilsonville, OR

Why, its almost like, uh uh a FAUX CHATEAU.

http://portland.craigslist.org/clc/apa/481219160.html

There are a few pieces of info missing from this ad, however... Crazy toxic old ladies might peek thru your windows, oh and try not to talk on the phone too loudly outside on Saturday afternoon, OR please do not leave your garage door open any longer than it takes to pull your car. ANd I hope you do not plan to put BOTH of your cars into the garage. OH and I hope you do not have any kids. Also do not put your garbage out too early, and try not to mess up the WHITE CARPETING that covers almost every room. Any or all of these violations could result in a call to the homeowner's association, or maybe the police.

I hope whoever moves in has OCD, no kids, a quiet voice, one car and a great attorney on retainer.

LOOK!!!

Overfunded Public School Forced To Add Jazz Band

MANALAPAN, NJ—Benjamin Harrison Middle School faculty members regretfully announced Tuesday that, despite their best efforts to prevent it,...

Blues Haikus

tydwbleach said...

We now live on goat
farm. More serene than Fake France.
Almost too serene.

Well water is quite
interesting. Chock full of
minerals I guess.

The house is kooky
but its not forever so
kooky is okay.

In Laws here for two
weeks. Spencer loves them
so much. We all do.

Much to do for the
legal case. Learning a lot.
Mediation soon.

11:23 AM

tydwbleach said...

P.S.:

Bill got new alarm.
Plays cds. Woke to Muddy
Waters "I'm a man."

Yesterday woke to
John Lee Hooker's "Mama Talk
to your Daughter ." ARRRGH!

I 've got the Blues, day
and night. Hear it in my sleep.
Literally. BLECCCH.

Have theory about
the Blues. Sad Music, bad to
dance to. Girls hate this.

That's why Bluesmen are
so sad. They're lonely. THEY SHOULD
sing HAPPIER songs.

Happy songs make girls
want to dance, come to gigs, and
DATE the bluesmen, see?

Bill does not accept
this theory. Says I do not
know 'bout anything.

Says he will get huge
bloodhound, and name it "Bootsie
Collins." Now I'm blue.

WE stioll have no internet at the house,

But we are working on it.

We just misplaced some box or modem or router or internet thingy and its in the exploded house and Bill is gonna go get it today he thinks.

Tomorrow at 2:30 PM we have a meeting with The Justice League at the Hall of Justice ( with Joel and another lawyer, at Joel's office)

I know Spencer is always welcome at the meeting but I am hoping that Bill's parents can babysit him so that we will not have to bring him. He is a pain at Joel's office.

WE are going to see if it is worth pursuing the Wilsonville Fascists, and also talk to Joel about other house stuff.

I am at work, and I cannot really do MASTAH THESPIAN until I am at home and I will not have internet until Bill finds that box thingy. But he should find it soon OR at least get a replacement soon.

Yesterday we had our conference with Tammy Faye at Preschool. We learned NOTHING. She did not even have the stuff with her, and she had forgotten about the meeting ALso she was anxious to hurry it along, and all she told us is NOT to worry, Spencer is fine, he is very smart, he is socially and emotionally a little behind, but he is still young, but he is great and his table manners are improving. He should take Swimming lessons this winter. He is very good with 3D things - like not drawing, but like building things - and she also thinks he has an aptitude for math.

I'll bet if we put Spencer on the case we would get the house built faster than what we are accomplishing now. However, what kind of house would Spencer build for us?

I suspect it would look a lot like Winnie The Pooh's house, with a big garage to house Scoop, Dig, Wendy, Roll-ey, Muck, Spud, Travis, Pilchard and Bird, and all of the other people on BOB THE BUILDER.

So maybe we should just let Drunk Guy build it. Remember Drunk Guy? He is the guy who built the house originally, and he showed up to the walk through with a case of beer. Then he opened it and started drinking, at 3:00 PM. Then he suggested we commit insurance fraud, by renting one of his duplexes and he would charge them extra rent and split the difference with us. Drunk Guy lives in a house the size of Montana, but apparently he needs an extra $250 a month from State Farm to make ends meet. We kept asking him what was his price to build the house and he kept asking us back, "What would you like the price to be?"


WE turned him down on the beer, the insurance kickback and then went home and bathed in Listerine until morning.

Moved to Goatless Goat Farm

No internet until Monday. But we still have it at the old house and we are here until the 10th. . I Will check in and post each time we are at the new house have to go pick up Bill's parents at the airpoprt now. GINGER PASSED THE BAR!!! AWESOME!!!!! WAY TO GO GINGER!!!!!

see you all later

What I did on Halloween...I hung with BOB.

I worked,until 1 and then I came home and called utility companies and arranged all of that crap At 3:30 we picked up Spencer from Preschool and then we went to the store for some last minute items for Halloween. Then we came home, ate dinner, and then got Spencer ready in his costume. On the way to the party he fell asleep in the back of the van hahaha but then Bob the Builder woke up and went out trick or treating. I gave out candy while Morman Dave and his family and Bill and Spencer and a few other kids went out around the neighborhood. I always stay to give out the candy I love seeing the kiddies in their little costumes. THen I saw the kids who are my co workers...The Merediths - who are Matt's kids, and they have been talking for WEEKS and weeks about their costumes etc. and when they came to Dave's house I asked them all what they were. Naked Nate comes into my office EVERY DAY and tells me that for Halloween he was going to be CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW so when I saw him tonight I asked him about 30 guesses as to what his costume was hahahaha He finally said I AM CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW hahahah Poor Nate. He's only two I should not pick on him but he was sooo sweet.

I love those kids they are so crazy. Then I guess Spencer went to Matt's house and when he came to the door they were like ITS BOB!!! BOB THE BUILDER!!! and SPencer just was SO excited. hahah He got a pumpkin container full of candy, and he was SOOO happy and proud of himself. He had a blast with Morman Dave's kids, esp his little buddy Austin who was Spiderman.

AND THEN we came back to Morman Dave's for hot cider and cookies. We had a great time!!! AND THEN, we drove out to the goat yard to sign the lease and go over stuff with the guy, who is SO SO nice and mellow. He is leaving us (to use) his washer dryer, his riding mower, all this stuff that he does not feel like moving and that we could use. He appreciates not having to move it and we appreciate the use of it. He did take the goat, but he said we could get one of our own for 10 months, and then he said we could take it to his parents when we are done with it.

Bill's parents are coming on Friday and staying for two weeks. They are going to help with the move and also watch Spencer while we move stuff etc. They love Spencer so much, and he is crazy about them. So that should be fun. I am a LITTLE worried that hte house is on a fairly busy road, but we are going to keep Spencer mostly in the BACK YARD and also put up some safety stuff.

The house is kooky but its cool It has well water and a wood buring fireplace in the kitchen, and all this land its really cool I will not miss the icemaker and the squirty thing on the sink. SO we move tomorrow. I am NOT SURE when I will have the internet back - it might not be til FRIDY BUT I will write as soon as I can, and then if I have to postpost Master Thespian we will do it ASAP/

SO HOW DID everyone's halloween turn out???!

Grey Gardens

THis is Little Edie explaining one of her crazy outfits.

Cool new blog - GREY GARDENS NEWS

Revently I discovered the movie Grey Gardens. it is now a musical on broadway but it was a Cinema Verite type documentary in the mid 1970s. If you have never seen it or heard about it, it is about a mother and daughter who lived in the Hamptons. The mother was known as Big Edie Beale, and she was the sister of Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis' father. Her daughter was Little Edie Beale. Together they lived in complete squalor in this mansion called Grey Gardens one block from the ocean in the Hamptons. They lived there with 52 cats, a bunch of raccoons in a big old house that was falling apart around them.

In other words, this would have been my life (sort of) had I stayed in GP with my mother and I had not met and married Bill. We seriouly did have the raccoons, the cats and the falling apart house. My mother was also very much like Big Edie, in that in her eyes, my purpose in life was to keep her company, and also in many other ways.

However, I somehow escaped, barely. Poor Little Edie did not. Anyway it is a interesting if not bizarre movie. The whole BEALE saga is in vogue again, and there is a lot of interest in the movie and these two women, though both are long dead.

This one guy has a blog about it. http://greygardensnews.blogspot.com/

Who is this? Your dealer??

Old Glory Insurance.. For when The Metal Ones come for you

Robots are everywhere, and they eat old people's medicine for fuel.

I got a fever. And the only cure is... more cowbell......

Two Green Acres is (are?) the place for me!

Its official, We signed the lease today, and on November 1 we will be moving to the GoatYard. I cannot wait to meet Mr. Haney., Mr. Drucker and Arnold Ziffle!!!

Our Landlord, Lt. Major Douchebag, will not let us exit the lease ten days early, but that is OK.

He can KISS MY GRITS!

BUH BYE Fascist France, and the Butler's pantry (along with psycho neighbors)!

HELLO, 1972. Its okay. I grew up in the 70s. I don't have any hang ups about it, man. Hang Ups are just not my bag. I can Keep on Truckin for the next ten months.

Plus there's a GOAT!!!!!! COOL!!!!! Uh I mean,. Far Out.

FIR POINT FARMS PUMPKIN FESTIVAL was on "GOOD MORNING AMERICA" TODAY!!!!!

I am sitting on my bed. I am figuring out which NERDWEAR outfit to wear to work. Suddenly on Good Morning America, (which I constantly watch while flipping also to the TODAY SHOW) they are talking about a 1000 lb pumpkin being dropped onto a van or something, for entertainment at a Fall Festival. Well, that sounds familiar..........

IT IS FIR POINT FARMS!!!!!!!

Home of the CORN CANNON and the GIANT PUMPKIN WEIGH OFF and the worlds truly most delicious Cider.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jUdV9J1PL94

Last year everyone was mad when they started charging for parking.. Now we are probably going to need reservations or something.

Its a great place to visit, and I seriously stop in there all of the time to buy produce, and herbs, and weird jams and stuff, and of course, when especially bored, we take Spencer to the petting zoo to feed the goats and chickens and all of those other whatever those things are they have there...pigs, sheep, turkeys. I don't know.

I suppose now there will be a waiting list for the petting zoo, and they will charge like three hundred quarters for a handful of goat food or whatever is in those machines. Life in the National spotlight has its drawbacks....

But soon Spencer is going to have his own goat, So Uhmmm... You know.... Besides, Giant Pumpkins and corn are just so LAST SEASON.....

Seriously, I LOVE LOVE LOVE Oregon, but I will NEVER EVER understand what passes for entertainment in this town:

READ ALL ABOUT IT HERE: http://www.firpointfarms.com/events.htm

Poll thing not working so I'll do it THis way....

What would you call a TV Show about our life this past year?

Six Utilities, Four Contractors and a Goat
8 Simple rules for Digging for Fiber Optic Lines
My Exploding House
Will the Real Tortfeasors Please Stand Up?
MTV True Life: I live in a Fascist State
Three and a Half Cars.
One Family, Three Dogs and a Lawyer
My Two Landlords
Extreme Home Makeover Canby Edition
CSI: Portland – Utilities Victims Unit
Little Exploding House on the Prarie
Popcorn Lung: A Plague Upon the Land
Are You Smarter Than a Telephone Company Subcontractor?
America’s Funniest Home Litigations
Faster Higher Farther: A Lifetime Moment of Truth Movie
Desperately Bored Old Housewives
Guitar Parts In Trees
Who Wants to Fill Out Forms All Day?

My FAVORITE section of the New York Times....

IS called METROPOLITAN DIARY

Here is a sample:

METROPOLITAN DIARY

Published: December 4, 2006

DEAR DIARY:
I was trying on clothes in Filene's, on Broadway and 79th Street, when I overheard the following conversation between a mother and child in the next cubicle:
''I like this cage, Mom.''
''It's not a cage, dear. It's a dressing room.''
''You look great in that dress, Mom.''
''No, I'm not getting it. I don't look good in pink.''
''But I love it. You could just wear it when we're home alone.'' Eva Oppenheim

Dear Diary:

While waiting for friends at a local restaurant, this is the conversation I heard while the barmaid was uncorking a bottle of red wine:
Patron: ''Do you have to chill red wine?''
Barmaid: ''No, only white wine.''
Patron: ''Why do you chill white wine?''
Barmaid: ''Because it's like Coke.'' Louis T. Iacovino Dear Diary:
Waiting to order in the bagel store, I noticed that the man in front of me was buying some prepackaged nova.
I asked him if he'd had it before. He said he had.
I asked, ''How was it?''
He answered, ''For an emergency, it was O.K.'' Alice Brickner

Dear Diary:
Pickup lines have to change with the times. One of the best I heard recently occurred around twilight one Saturday evening as a sport-utility vehicle was rounding the corner of Second Avenue and 52nd Street.
A pretty young girl at the corner was chatting on her cellphone, waiting for the light to change. A young man leaned out the passenger window of the turning car and said: ''Hey. You going to be on that phone long?'' Carol Lippert Gray

Dear Diary:
While waiting for the light at the corner of 23rd Street and Second Avenue, I became aware of a group of preschoolers obviously out on a class trip.
Instead of the usual all-hold-hands drill one is used to seeing, they were tethered to one another with those bungeelike cords that strap things to the roofs and backs of cars.
When the light changed, the teacher in the lead yelled, ''Go!'' and the kids crossed the street like miniature climbers scaling a horizontal mountain, leaving a sidewalk of grinning adults in their wake. Mary-Ellen Banashek

Dear Diary:
When my daughter started violin lessons at age 4, someone told her the old line about how the way to Carnegie Hall is ''practice, practice, practice.'' She immediately responded, ''No, it's not. You take the 104.''
Her lessons were at the French-American Conservatory in the Carnegie Hall building, and that is the bus we always took. Elizabeth Kopczynski Moore


Dear Diary:
Recently, my parents were visiting from California and we went to a Sunday matinee. Afterward, my dad wanted to go to Sardi's for a drink. Once we got settled at a table, I went to the bar and stood next to a couple sitting on the end as I ordered the drinks. ''Three Stoli Bloody Marys, please.''
The couple looked at me and then turned in unison to see where I had come from, spotting my parents. I said, ''I bet you thought I was going to drink all of those myself.''
The woman said, ''I was going to say it must have been a pretty bad show!'' Beth Hallo

Dear Diary:
I had just moved from California to the Upper West Side, and was in a neighborhood store, purchasing some plants for my new apartment. In front of me in line were two older New York couples.
The wife of the first couple said to the man behind the counter: ''Got anything for squirrels? I don't want to kill them; I just want to scare them away.''
To which her husband replied: ''I want to kill them. What do you have to kill them?''
The second couple, behind them, interjected, ''Where do you live?'' It was determined that they all lived within one city block of each other.
The next question: ''What does your squirrel look like?'' After some discussion, it was agreed that it was the same squirrel.
''That's him,'' wife No. 2 said. ''He's got a feisty stance, and beady eyes.'' To which her husband then suggested: ''Let's kill him together.''
The man behind the counter said, ''We're not killing squirrels here, ladies and gentlemen. This is Manhattan. We all got to get along.'' Naomi Starkman

Dear Diary:
I was walking to work this morning when I saw a huge group of out-of-town students filling the street corner on Eighth Avenue and 56th Street.
As I was squeezing my way by them, I saw two teenage girls looking up Eighth Avenue at the start of Central Park. One girl turned to the other and asked, ''Is that the end of the city?'' Alice Oglethorpe

Pics of Spencer with his Surfer Dude Cousins

Spencer is still with Bill in SO CAL and he and Bill and Bill's parents all went to visit Bill's sister Tamara in Orange County yesterday, about 2 hours south of Bill's parents house. She lives in like Capistrano Beach like three blocks from the ocean and her three boys, Dylan, Chase & Tai are all surfers. Spencer had a riot hanging with them ,and I could not believe my eyes when I saw these pictures, because when I first met the youngest one? He was a year old.

They are HUGE now!!!! I look at that pic of the four of them together at the doorway, and I cannot believe it. Spencer is gonna grow up to be that tall one day. SCARY!!!!!

Where were you when it happened?

I am not sure how we are supposed to try and remember or memorialize or celebrate this day that most of us will never forget.

I know that Bill had been up all night building a guitar for deadline I mean ALLLL night. In fact the guy whose guitar it was was there WATCHING Bill finish it until like 3 AM... Bill's customers.. what can I say about them? They are a small but deeply dedicated and disturbed following. WE SPENT THE NIGHT at the shop - well, I did I fell asleep in the futon in the back waiting for him to get done..

Two years earlier we had decided to give up TV and so we did not have one. I was up doing homework(writing like my fifth paper that week ) UGH U o P hahahah for a long time and then I just crashed waiting for Bill to get done with work. He stayed up all night and still had stuff to do in the morning. IT was Tuesday and our normal day for Doggie DayCare for Riley was on Thursdays, but Bill called the dog lady and asked if she had room to keep Riley all day today.. He was driving Bill insane because for some reason he was going CRAZY Barking and jumping and just really losing it. Her reply was weird to Bill. She said "Well, I guess he would be safe here. We are not next to any national monuments or tall buildings...."

HUH? THen she asked Bill if he knew what was going on. "NO I was up building an instrument all night and Liz fell asleep on the futon in the back."

" Oh well turn on the TV The United States is under terrorist attack, the WTC was blown up and the Pentagon etc..."

SO Bill takes the dog over to the lady and then comes back and wakes me up and tells me this. I was like HUH?????


It was only MUCH LATER when we realized that Bill had been scheduled to take a trip to NYC that weekend, but he and his friend Scott had canceled the trip. I booked it. I told them to stay in midtown, and also to fly in and out of Newark because its easy to get to from Penn Station, which would be near their hotel. They were going there to buy gear for Scott, like at all these great music stores there, and also vist a couple of friends at the Berklee school or whatever. They were going to fly out on Thurs night and leave on MONDAY but then they wanted an extra day to shop, and the stores were all closed on Sunday SO they decided to leave Tuesday AM. Their flight?

United 93, out of Newark, non stop to San Francisco.

They DID NOT GO Thank God. They both got too busy, Bill more than Scott, then I remember Scott being kind of pissed off that Bill did not plan better so they could take the trip. Had he been on that plane, and called me from it. I never would have answered the phone, because I am a reallly sound sleeper. SO it would have been a distraught phone message I would have gotten long after the fact. Esp since we did not have television. And there would have been NO SPENCER, and who knows if I would have lived thru all of that? Bill is a HUGE pain in the ass, and we pick at each other a bit, but I could not, and would not want to, live without him.

In fact I got all my news about 9/11 initially from Greg Kihn's radio show that AM. Then we drove to Scott's house and watched his TV. That was the first time I ever heard a news reporter say "Holy SH*T" on tv.

What I remember MOST about that day was the fact that our shop was kind of on a flight path to San Jose airport. There were always tons of planes going by and they were really really loud You almost did not hear them after a while, until that happened. then it was WEIRDLY quiet.

I cannot imagine what those people and their families went through, especially all of those first responders. When I think of the people on those planes, and those firefighters walking up those stairs when everyone was running out...

It was pure terror, and for NO REASON. The only thing since that has ever gotten me as angry and horrified was that Beslan school hostage shooting thing.

Uh Oh..... Here come the Ping Pong Balls!!!!!!

Does anyone remember Captain Kangaroo? Mr Moose? Mr Green Jeans?

I LOVED that show. I was born in 1965. I am ANCIENT... btu I loved The Captain. Watched it every morning. But then, I was also in love with both Mr. Rogers and Phil Donahue.... Seriously. I was.

Oregon's new state motto: "COME GET LOST IN OREGON!"

What is it exactly about this place that people come here for vacations, get lost on roads, or in forests or up on mountains and just never come back???

Since I have lived here there have been many cases of people getting lost here. There were the climbers on Mt Hood this past year http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16262193/ who were looking for adventure, but found out too late that Mt Hood is not for the novice. There was the heartbreaking story of the Kim family http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/12/06/missing.family/index.html on vacation with their two kids who were visiting family and then wanted a quick fun getaway to the coast and ended up stranded on the forest when they took the wrong road. In that case, the mom and the kids survived but the dad, sadly did not make it. , There was a priest and his female friend, who drove up from CA and crashed into a ditch at the side of the road, and no one discovered them for three weeks. They both perished. There was a guy who came for a wedding and drove from Portland to the coast and never really made it. There was a guy who took a wrong turn on a road they usually close for the winter in his motorhome, and they closed it for the winter after having discovered that they had forgotten to put the sign up. He died in his motorhome, which got stuck int he snow, but they found this diary he kept and he could not fugure out why no cars had come by that he coulf flag down for help. Now they just found this lady who was lost for two weeks. http://www.koin.com/Global/story.asp?S=7038633&nav=menu494_1 She and her husband were following some scenic route or historic trail or something and they ran out of gas. They both set off on foot to get help but she got thirsty and went to look for water while he kept going. They found him, fine and then it took them two weeks to find here. She was 76, with a broken hip, but she is now in stable condition and doing okay.


I get why people want to come here, there is a lot of really beautiful scenery, the coast is gorgeous, and the weather is mild if you are not in the mountains. But, the mountains here are not bunny hills, and the forests are not small - they are deep and dark and dense and endless. On the coast there are high and rocky cliffs, and NO ONE swims in the ocean here, it is just too cold. In the summer you can explore tide pools or go whale watching or whatever but that is about it. THe Pacific Ocean is freezing freezing cold, even in CA. THe only place it is really warm enough to swim is Southern California. The roads here in Oregon are not easy to navigate and there are thousands of miles of Oregon that are just uninhabited by people.

The point is, if you are going to come here and explore, think twice, or use a guide. Even the maps are not always accurate. Also do not take any roads that you think may be shortcuts, or that you have been advised to stay off of. Also maybe if you want to come here to hike and explore BE PREPARED. Make sure you have all the correct equipment, and even some stuff you don't think you will need, just in case.

One time on our first trip here,l early in our marriage, it was our anniversary and we were at the coast. We were staying at this nice hotel but it was in an isolated town with one restaurant. We wanted to go to a different restaurant, and so we drove there. On the way home, it was getting dark, we were running out of gas, and we got hopelessly lost on this forest road. There was NO CELL PHONE signal, and ONE radio station that was some public station who had this woman who sangs these horrible songs about her cat. So weird. We both thought that this state is SO WEIRD we are NEVER going to live here... We eventually found our way back in the dark but we had some TENSE MOMENTS and it could have turned out badly. As we drove thru the state on that trip I remember thinking:

1. HOW DID Lewis and Clark EVER get through this???
2. These trees are SOOOOO tall.
3. There is no cell service, there are NO GAS STATIONS, just bait shops and drive thru espressos!!!! There is NO WAY of getting help if you are stranded....


SO you have been warned... Come and visit our beautiful state, but be prepared.

Ever get a song STUCK in your head?

I do.

Special Torture!!!!!

The annoying songs today for me were:

1: R.E.M. MAN ON THE MOON

2. The theme to the horrible PBS Kids show DRAGON TALES

The first is not bad until you are like running it endlessly all day... the second is like some kind of virus.

SO Tell me.... what songs get stuck in YOUR head??? Anyone? Buehler? Anyone?