One more day off, then its back to the Rat Race.

Today we spent most of the day in Canby at the 'Sploded House, writing down items on a list that we will claim to the insurance co. THese are things that were damaged in the explosion and/or by the subsequent fire, collapse, or water to put out the fire. Because there was a LOT of stuff in the garage, because we had been storing it there and in the bonus room above the garage, a lot of things were damaged. We were storing a LOT of things in thehouse in those two rooms because we were remodeling.

Take your average yellow legal pad, add one item per line. Fill the entire page... I have 34 pages of items. We must document what it is, where we got it, how much it was warth when new how much it would cost to replace it, and the model numbers etc if available. THen you ust PHOTOGRAPH everything. This is for 34 pages of stuff. Then that gets rewritten two places: Official clam forms, and also my own excel spreadsheet. You cannot IMAGINE how fun this is, especially with a three year old and the world's most obnoxious dog.

For example I found two sharpie marker pens, melted together. I found my peach bathrobe that was sort of silky nylon you know? it was a blob of goo because it MELTED in the dryer, along with a bunch of other items: a hat, a book, a tupperware, a crystal vase, a picture frame, a pair of shoes, guitar stuff, serving platters, tile we intended to install in the bathroom floor like three days after the explosion - melted wastebaskets toys of Spencer's... melted Jeep Glow in the dark Basketball... You sit there with your "life" around you and its all a big giant ball of melted goo. But then I look around and Spencer is amusing himself on some old toy of his that he found, and Bill is yelling at the dog for the 41st time to get out of the neighbor's water feature fountain thing, while also going thru a giant box of melted cds, and I am just you know bored, tired, hot, etc but honestly? Life did go on. Life goes on with a lot of stuff missing. No one got hurt Its a HUGE hassle and inconvenience and some days I am despondent and others I am murderously angry and other times depressed but there is NO WAY OUT You have to just slog thru all of that crap in teeny pieces and write it ALLLLLLLL down, and spend every extra minute doing it. THe hardest part is that all of the neighbor's houses that were affected have all been put back together again. They had a crazy but still okay summer and all are ready to go back to school etc Our house is still sitting there, boarded up, weeds everywhere, crap in the front yard, after FIVE MONTHS.

Nothing really to do but keep going, keep working at it, knowing the only way out of McFake McFrance, is Work on the pile and make the list, and try your best to CHOOSE to be happy, and work with your lawyer. Besides, the Dahlia Festival is still on, and soon will be the pumpkin festival. Also, Spencer DID get his cast off on Friday and his leg is healed so THAT is good. I wonder what they give out for Halloween here in the Faux Chateau land? My guess it would be Brie en Croute, caviar on toast points, and cold salmon in aspic.

Ten Years Since Princess Diana.....

Where were you when you heard about when she died? I do not know why I am so interested in this stupid story...

I had just registered for classes was about to get engaged and I was driving home from school I had stopped at my friend's office, whose husband is a chiropractor, and they had the news on. All we knew then was that it was an accident. Then later on I was still there and she had died. I heard it from NBC Brian Williams. It was so weird. No one could believe it.

Probably a lot of people do not care about this. I was sad at the time. Still makes me a little sad.

But then today we have to do more work on the Sploded House. What a nightmare THAT is. Right now, Spencer is trying to feed me blueberry pancakes that his Dad just made for us. Ten years ago there was Bill, but no Spencer I was still in Michigan had not even gotten engaged yet. That thanksgiving I went to Paris over Thanksgiving, and I went to the tunnel thinking it would help me understand her death or something. It did not. You know how it was? Weird that little overpass thing with the Statue of Liberty Flame torch thing over it was all littered with flowers and graffiti about her.. Yet the flowers were sort of rotting and smelled like sweet sick rotting flowers It was kind of macabre and gross.

Then I read a lot of those stupid books, and I became kind of an expert on it. so then it got kind of funny...
SO I would read one of these Princess Diana books, and then I would review it on Amazon.com.

Well Bill had a couple of friends who put out CDs and he had reviewed their Cds on Amazon. SOMEHOW I am not sure how but our reviews got mixed up... and under Bill's name there were all there Under BILL CHAPIN it had the reviews of like three cds.. all about music and resonance and music whatever and then all of my reviews of the ten Princess Diana books I had reviewed BUT it looked like HE had written them all... he saw that and FLIPPED OUT!. And his friends started teasing him about how much he loves those Princess Diana books. The especially liked the one where he said.. something like... " ANd this is the best one yet and I know because I have read them ALL....."

Poor Bill. I often wonder if he would marry me again, knowing what he would be getting into. I am too afraid to ask him....

I might have a problem......

IS there something that you buy just over and over again? I mean you buy it and then have it for two weeks and decide NO this one is not PERFECT I need this other one.... and then you buy that one and then you know lather rinse repeat...

For me, I have no idea why but it is two things.. though one I have conquered, the other I still struggle with.

For a log time it was planners.. yes planners, as in DAYTIMER, Franklin Covey... Imust have like 20 of them. When the house exploded Bill found them all over the house. I bought them for him too, One that would hold his phone one would hold his phone and palm pilot, ont that was smaller one that was larger. THen I had mine: I had a big one and it was too big, so I got a smaller one and itwas the perfect size but it did not hold my Palm Pilot so then I got a small one that did But then it looked so I don't know MANLY so then I got one that was more girl ish but it did not have a zipper So I needed a more girl one WITH a zipper... i was insane!!!!!!!!!

I finally found the Franklin Covey UNSTRUCTURE binder and though I am still nutty because I have two sizes of them, I have kept mine for over a year and not bought a new on in a looooong time.

What cured me was actually dealing with Franklin Covey, the company. I had ordered this UNSTRUCTURE on in pink once and it was so cute in the picture. When I got it it was uggo the color of Pepto Bismol SO UGLY so I called them and said that I wanted to return it.

I figured they would be nice to me because I had ordered SOOO many things from them in the past.. and they were so RUDE tey were like yeah ok whatever send it back. what ever. ARGH I was mad about this and that was my last binder. I hate to even look at the catalog now, and I still use that last one I bought.

My OTHER obsession is LL BEAN canvas tote bags. HOW MANY does a person need? I have so many and I get more every day it is SAD SAD SAD. BUT you know, I got over the planner thing... I finally have one I like, too.

It isn't Easy (or Cheap) Being Green

OK Here is the deal: this year two of my cars were hit by, well , uhmmm, my house. Not to mention my HOUSE needed to be replaced.

What a better opportunity to do something good for the environment! How often does a person have a real excuse to replace two cars and a house?

SO I was thinking, Well Maybe this is the time to go green, like i have wanted to do for a long time. Instead of getting a regular new car we could get a hybrid! We do need the van for the kid and Bill's work and we got an obscene discount on it, so we are going to get the minivan. BUT for the other one, why not get a Prius?

Then I am also a fan of this show "Living with Ed." It is a show all about the daily life of Ed Begley Jr, the actor who also lives a totally green life and his house is full of things that save the earth. He recycles rain water, he has a reverse running meter, he has tons of solar panels on his house recycled everything, electric cars. he has a wind turbine thingy on his roof.... etc HOW AWESOME I am thinking that you know.... When you have the chance to completely do over these three huge assets, maybe we could do some of this stuff right? WHY NOT get a hybrid car? WHY NOT add a bunch of green features to our new house? I would LOVE THIS: Ed Begley Jr His house is so efficient at making its own electricity or whatever that he makes more than his house can use and he actually sells it to the city and it goes back onto the power grid.
So awesome.

SO WHY CAN'T we do this?????
Uhmmm its VERY EXPENSIVE.

A Prius, (60 mpg) equally equipped as my Matrix (33 mpg) that was about $14K would have been like $28K About twice as much. Why not get a used one? I LOOKED there ARE NO used Prius cars at least not on Portland. I found ONE that was four years old with 50K miles on it, and it was $20K . We looked at other hybrids as well, like the Ford Escape Hybrid and FOrgettabout it. Same deal.

AND the way construction costs are we will be lucky to even rebuild the house we had, never mind adding things like a solar water heater etc.

We are looking into it, but it makes no sense to me that those who actually WANT to do all of this AL Gore stuff cannot do it , really, because all of this stuff and technology is so expensive. You have to be Ed Begley to this stuff and that is SAD. So at times I get frustrated and yes I TOO would like to save the earth on a grand scale but we cannot really afford to.

Bummer.

Corn Fest lacked festivity, outshone by Dahlia Festival

Dahlias: Corn's Natural Enemy

Spencer and the Goat.. Maybe a sitcom?

Me

Spencer and different goat

Corn Cannon

No one was really there, there were about 15 cars total in the pkg lot including the employees. They were selling those freshly made cinnamon sugar donuts that they sell during cider season, and corn on the cob and fresh corn and other corn things but nothing really exciting. The petting zoo was open and Spencer, who still has a cast on his leg had to stay in the stroller but at least he hung with the goats for a while and got to feed them. Bill bought some ears of corn for us to cook and of course his very favorite, donuts.

The corn cannon was just a silly tube hooked up to some stuff I guess, and there was a box of corn next to it. You put the corn in the tube, like you are loading a cannon and aim and shoot. There is a target and you take aim. This was okay, but lacked the excitement and intensity of the Guitar Parts Cannon I saw on April 19th in another part of Canby. Now THAT was a cannon. Those pickups and bridges and tuners flew Faster, Higher and Farther than this corn did today. There were some other things, and a live band, but they had not set up yet.

That's what they get for holding the first annual CORN FEST in Canby the same weekend as the Swan Island Dahlia Festival, which is held nowhere near an island or even any swans but also in Canby. It is like huge fields of these flowers called Dahlias grouped by color and you can pick your own and they sell hot dogs. It is very very big. They advertise it on TV. A LOT of people attend, though I am sure a lot of them are surprised when they get to the actual Swan Island in Portland and find that the Swan Island Dahlia Festival is actually like 25 miles south, here in nutty landlocked Canby.

Oh and here is a picture of me. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz What does that face say? It says "DOG, If you lick my face one more time I am going to sell you to the highest bidder."

Oh..... PLEASE let me WIN!!!! CORN FEST TODAY!!!!

Yesterday I had to work, so I could not attend Corn Fest 2007 and enter all of my beautiful crafts, pictured below. Oh and I hate to brag but that paining is a self portrait.

Today I will take all of my entries over there and cross my fingers. The winner gets to wear this beautiful Corn Tiara and jewelry. Losers get shot out of/shot by? the corn cannon.

However, there are no losers at Corn Fest. There are Corn on the cob eating contests, Corn shucking contests, live entertainment, a corn cannon, animals, seminars by experts on such diverse topics as "Corn?? For Dessert??" "The History of Corn in Clackamas County" "Thermodynamics of the Corn Ethanol Biofuel Cycle," "How to make Furniture out of corn" and "The Role of Corn in Natural Childbirth Pain Management."


I am nervous and excited by the biggest event, taking place at 3:00 PM - Bill and I are going to renew our marriage vows in the Corn Fields. It just seemed like the right thing to do, and they said they will stop the tractors and stuff for at least 45 minutes so we can have this memorable gathering. Everyone knows that Corn and Marriage go together like a Horse and Carriage.

I will report more tonight.

If it is August in San Jose, CA then it must time for...

The annual KIHN Cert :

http://www.kfox.com/pages/summersendoff.html

Remember Greg Kihn?
"Our Love's in Jeopardy...Baby...... oooooooooh oooooooh oooooooh"

and a couple of other hits in the 80s? He is a DJ on San Jose's KFOX Classic Rock station. He still has a band and he is friends with this guy who owns Souther Lumber, one of Bill's wood guys in San Jose. A few years back they started this contest, I think the first one was 2004. THey have this concert with some famous people, some tribute bands some other stuff.... and they give away a couple of guitars. They chose Bill to make those guitars out of Southern lumber wood, and he has been making them for them every year. The first year they did it the featured band was THE WHO, I cannot remember the next year's ones because I did not live there anymore, but also because I had a toddler, and did not get out much. I MOSTLY these days remember the DEADLINE that Bill has to meet to get these things made in time to get them to Jeff to be photographed etc for the ad campaign. Every year before it hits he is basically a basket case but this year was worse but whatever he got them done. The first year he made four of them, I am not sure how many this time. Each one has been different.

ANYWAY..... The deadline has passed, Bill got them done and now the KIHN Cert is upon us... This year it is a bunch of old bands... like the Doobie Brothers... and some others I cannot remember. I never attended any of the KIHN Certs because for the first one I had a new baby. and the next one we lived here but Bill went down for a lot of them..

CHECK OUT the description of the WOOD on that guitar.... and Welcome to MY world...
"...figured myrtle semihollow mahogany old growth whatever......" he actually talks about wood IN HIS SLEEP. Not that that is a bad thing... I learn a lot.

ANYWAY Follow this link to get info on all the details... There is a picture of one of the guitars they are giving away. But of course I would go this year, but of course I have bigger plans... Its almost time for CORNFEST '07.

Yet, still...... CHAPIN GUITARS RULE, Dude.

P.S.: You know WEIRD AL did a parody of that song and I thought Greg Kihn would have been mad about it But he gave him permission. Turns out Greg Kihn made a LOT of money off weird Al's "I Lost On Jeopardy."

So....What did YOU do during the 1980's?

Just curious.
I did high school and then of course the plan was to also finish college but then of course all of the detours occurred... but here I am. I did go to school for the rest of the 80s and all of the 90s and the first half of the "00s...... But I did mange to finish college. After like 5 schools, 17 majors (I counted once) and 19 years, I finished my B.S. I am not a quitter.
Just in the nick of time, too. Then I married this fine gentleman, then we all got ourselves some big hair with that whole "crispy bangs" thing and moved to Canby and settled down. This look just hit the big time here in Canby, along with acid wash jeans, the rubik's cube and Michael Jackson's "Thriller" album.

Reason number 58 Boogie is a BAD DAWG

He ate the pull cord starter string thing off our lawnmower today. Plus one plastic dinosaur, a beanie baby and half a transformer.

Attorney Visit to house went well..

We gave him the tour, and talked about stuff It was good.

Hopefully they will tear it down some time next week. I will NOT miss the house, which by now has become a monument to disaster...

I want it gone... Faster. Higher. Farther.

The Boy with the Purple Leg..... the dog with the enormous TONGUE

They gave him any choice of color of cast he wanted. he chose purple and thus here he is! The kid before him took RED like Clifford the bog red dog.... and I thought SPencer would take that or CONSTRUCTION ORANGE so he could look like Bob the Builder who is incidentally rebuilding our house. But then at the last minute: Purple.

He is happy and they say he can walk on it somehow but he has to sort of ease his way into walking on it. On the way home from the appointment, to avoid the hideous traffic on I-5 we took 99 (a road) and stopped at Jack in the Box, because we used to go to them all the time inCA but they only have a few in OR and hardly any near Canby or The Faux Chateau, located in Wilsonville - SO we go there once in a while when we pass one. Bill had a burger, I had a monster taco and Spencer had a really awesome fruit cup and some milk. Bill bought him an egg sandwich but he would not eat it..We are trying to get protein into him, but in order to get him to eat stuff we have to bribe him with fruit. Can you imagine that? The kid will do ANYTHING to get fruit. For most kids it is candy or gum or whatever but Spencer would parachute off a tall building for a bowl of canteloupe.

OH and this dog? He now tries to eat soda cans. Greeeeat. In this picture I am demonstrating exactly how I have to fend him off EVERY MINUTE to keep him from licking my face.

I am just happy to have made it thru this summer with my family and my sanity somewhat intact. In a week or so they are going to tear down our house and that will be a good new chapter. I am looking forward to it.

I love Boogie, My dog so much today I painted this portrait of him.....

Ok I did NOT really do this painting. Spencer did. But honestly this dog is SERIOUSLY starting to bug me. He gets into EVERYTHING He eats all of Spencer's toys and he is in general a PITA.
Not only does he eat everything and CONSTANTLY want you to THROW THE BALL THROW THE BALL PLEEEEASE THROW IT THROW THE BALL.... HEY THROW THE BALL OKAY? HEY YOU WANNA THROW THE BALL NOW? HUH? HUH? DO YA? DO YA WANNA THROW IT??? AND I WILL CATCH IT OK? THROW IT OK?

NOT only did he EAT his BED on the very first night but now he has KENNEL COUGH this horrible DOG COLD they get where he makes this coughing sound that is endless and loud enough to WAKE the DEAD. It sounds like he is one of those old guys outside of a gas station who has finally quit smoking after like 62 years. It sounds like he will expel his lung just any minute it will come out...

There is NO CURE for it... it just has to RUN ITS COURSE for like ten days...So now I have this spastic dog with a hacking cough and I know I JUST KNOW that any day now he is going eat like a freaking transformer or a little car or something and I will have to pay like $6000 for some DOG OPERATION....

BUt we cannot take him back now. Spencer likes him, and not only did his house blow up, his other dog went away and now he has a broken leg, so we cannot take this dog away from him. SO now he we just have to learn to live with this goofy, hacking, licking, spastic, In Your Face, jumping up, toy eating, garbage tipping nightmare of a dog.
Woof.

WOW I NEED A BETTER CAMERA!!!!!!

Here are some pics my firend Siri took at the water park JUST before the "incident."

At least he was having a blast... the kid with him is.. Uhmmm Donut...

It was fun while it lasted but Osler should be back in town soon..

And then you can get back to a REAL BLOG. hahahahah

Spencer is getting his cast put on tomorrow He is struggling with not being able to run around in total chaos but other than that he is okay. When we need to take him someplace we can use the wagon but also we have a baby Jogger that holds a kids up to 70 lbs and it DID NOT get blown up!!! Tomorrow he will get his permanent cast ( they only do a splint at first because of swelling) and then on Thursday our GREAT attorney that Iplawguy got us, Joel is coming to see the SPLODED house. I should go there with the WIndex today probably, since I wrote "BITE ME CANBY TELECOM" on the back door in ballpoint pen. Very Mature of me... Then soon they are going to tear down the house. I am going to take the day off work and bring a linch because I seriously cannot wait I need this to be OVER. SOON.

SO I really hope you all had fun on my blog But Osler is back in town and I know you all missed him. I sucked at it anyway.

Here is one last picture of Mr Spence in his sick bed but I will probably end this blog in a couple of days. I MAY wait until the CORN FEST is over so you can all see what a CORN CANNON really is. I cannot wait to find out myself.

Haiku /Corny Joke Friday..... I am going to regret this....

Well its here!!!!!

In addition to Haiku this week, you must also come up with one corny joke. OR many....

Here are some topics:

Osler kidnapped by Donut, taken to Cuba
potty training
corn cannons
corn
berries
Pies
worms
goats
closing of Toney Baloney's
espionage
Mamie at the B-52s
Mrs. CL's Grandma's cobbler
Spencer the goat farmer

here is my Corny joke:

What did Cinderella say when her pictures did not arrive?
Someday, my prints will come.

Here is my haiku:

Y'Ain't gonna catch me
shuckin' that corn. Not with those
worms lying in wait.....

Now its YOUR turn

Haiku is 5 syllables, then 7 then 5

and the cornier the joke, the BETTER
The winner gets to pick next week's winner... AND the judges are the winners of LAST week..

Remember you have to pick best joke AND haiku

MMMMMmmmmm... Pie!

Have a look at the very first Berry pie I have ever baked. The berries came from Betty the Corn lady's farm stand and were grown blocks from my exploded house. The crust... well I Uhmmm that came from uhmmm... Fred Meyer and Pillsbury, but COME ON!!!! I am a busy woman... I cannot be bothered making CRUST.

But anyway the Berries they are these giant blackberries. and here is the pie and here is the exact recipe but I would change a few things the next time I make it.

The recipe is below but FIRST I would add the sugar to ALL of the berries ( and use maybe 5 cups of berries instead of four) and let it sit for a bit. I also would slightly increase the amount of sugar maybe to 2/3 instead of 1/2 cup. Also, I would add the flour JUST before I put the mixture into the crust and mix it up but add the sugar way ahead to let it sort of mingle with the very tart berries for a bit. The rest is easy... then just before baking but after you put the top crust on, you should reconsider the amount of sugar to add to that... 1/4 c of milk is a LOT and so is the amount of sugar. it kind of drowns the crust a bit...

But I digress: Here is the recipe

Blackberry Pie

INGREDIENTS

• 4 cups fresh blackberries
• 1/2 cup white sugar
• 1/2 cup all-purpose flour
• 1 recipe pastry for a 9 inch double crust pie
• 2 tablespoons milk
• 1/4 cup white sugar

DIRECTIONS

1. Combine 3 1/2 cups berries with the sugar and flour. Spoon the mixture into an unbaked pie shell. Spread the remaining 1/2 cup berries on top of the sweetened berries, and cover with the top crust. Seal and crimp the edges. Brush the top crust with milk, and sprinkle with 1/4 cup sugar.
2. Bake at 425 degree F (220 degrees C) for 15 minutes. Reduce the temperature of the oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C), and bake for an additional 20 to 25 minutes.

Sooo... the jury is in... Donut took Osler to Cuba...

Well I know a guy who goes to Cuba all the time, He is from Michigan and he leaves from Canada. He stays there for like weeks on end and its pretty scary at times but he loves it. He has been followed, and harassed and the people there are great but really paranoid.

I would never ever ever be adventurous enough to go there... The fact that there is really no diplomatic relationship with the US means that if anything does happen to you over there you are pretty much on your own. Too scary for me. But we all know that Donut is deep into the dark world of espionage. He is an agent for the Montessori faction of the toddler underground, a most elite unit, where everyone speaks seven languages, can hide in plain sight and is potty trained. It is my belief that he took Osler to a compound outside of Havana, where he is being interrogated on his knowledge of Lost In Space.

Types of berries that are grown in Canby, OR

Strawberry, raspberry, blackberry, blueberry, boysenberry, dewberry, gooseberry, loganberry, marionberry (a cross between the Chehalem and Olallieberry blackberries), tayberry, youngberry, and lingonberry.

ANd there are like hundreds of places you can go to PICK YOUR OWN!!!!!!! Not just in Oregon though. The following site has a list of farms all over the place. There's one near you!!!!

AND not only that I took thos blackberries and made TWO pies tonight with them. Yes, I BOUGHT the crusts... I'm not CRAZY... BUT I made them They are in the oven right now and I am sure they will be either reaally great or Reallly bad.

PickYourOwn.org
Where you can find a pick-your-own farm near you!

Who will you vote for for President?

Its a tough call, I know... I doubt I will vote for a republican.
I have too many items in my house from IKEA now to go back.

I am thinking maybe Guiliani. His kooky wife is growing on me. The more crap they say about her, the more I like her....


How about you? And questions number two: Is there ANYTHING scarier than a clown????

NOt to deter from Haiku Friday but... BREAKING NEWS!!!!!

Bobby Brown Believes He's Still a Target for Bin Laden

R&B star Bobby Brown is still convinced Osama Bin Laden wants him dead so he can marry Whitney Houston - 11 months after the singers officially separated. Brown's 14-year marriage to Houston came to an end when their divorce was finalised earlier this year, but the hitmaker remains adamant he is on the al Qaeda leader's hitlist. He even hired extra security to guard him on his recent tour of Australia. He tells the New York Daily News, "I figure if Bin Laden wants me, and everybody is looking for him, it probably won't happen. But if he wants to try and find me for something so stupid, he can do what he wants. I have to leave it in the hands of my higher power. Come on, if anybody (else was) threatened by Al Qaeda, they'd take it seriously."

Michael Jackson Sells Beatles Song for Use in Diaper Ad

Superstar Michael Jackson has licensed the use of the Beatles' song "All You Need Is Love" for a series of new advertisements - for a diaper company. The hitmaker still has a stake in the music publishing company Sony/ART, which owns the rights to the Fab Four's back catalogue. But the company's decision to license the hit "All You Need Is Love" to pharmaceutical and cosmetics firm Proctor & Gamble is a "surprise" to John Lennon's widow Yoko Ono, because they had always given her advance n